Jackson's Home for the Diseased and Ill
by Jamtav
Summary: Gamzee gets busted for possession of drugs. He is sentenced to community service at a place called Jackson's Home for the Diseased and Ill, a place where dying people go to live out their days. There he is assigned to look after a shy boy named Tavros Nitram, a man that Gamzee wishes to make happy until his days are up... Rated T for swearing!
1. Silence Overlapped By Laughter

**I had to change this from second person to third. So, no. You're not seeing things. Heh... If anything happens to the story or whatever, just **

**message me to figure out what's up, because this story has been giving me a lot of trouble lately..  
**

**Homestuck does not belong to me. It belongs to Lord Hussie!  
**

**Prompt assigned to me:  
**

**AU where Tavros has a degenerative disease that is slowly killing him and has left him in a wheelchair. Gamzee is at his care facility (It can be a hospital whatever its up to you) doing community service for a drug possession charge. **

The events of the last couple of weeks came rushing back to him. He remembered the siren, the pulling over, the being arrested. He remembered that stuck-up jackass taking his fix out of the backseat of his car. He remembered being in court, the judge saying he had to go do some community service for getting busted. He remembered groaning and moaning on the way home about it to his bro, Karkat, who was driving because he got his driver's license taken away for speeding again. He remembered a couple of sentences from those days...

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, GAMZEE. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY. GOD DAMN IT. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO DRIVE YOU BACK AND FORTH TO

YOUR COMMUNITY SERVICE EVERY DAY? YOU SHOULD HAVE TO TAKE THAT SHITTY BUS."

"You're sentenced to community service at Jackson's Home."

"Oh, fuck."

Karkat pulled his crappy, old car over on the sidewalk. "Have fun, sweetie," Karkat remarked sarcastically, closing the door behind Gamzee and pulling away. Gamzee looked up at the big sign on the front of the building. It read in gold, rusted lettering, "Jackson's Home for the Diseased and Ill." He'd heard that this place was where all of the dying people with incurable diseases came to wait out their days, which was pretty depressing, now that he thought about it.

He started walking up the gravel to the big, shiny, silver and glass doors where a little girl with brown hair was being rolled into in a wheelchair. He ran up and held the door open for the nurse and the girl, smiling at them.

The nurse said with a grateful sigh, "Thank you."

He nodded, and they wheeled in, him walking right behind them. Gamzee followed them to the front desk and waited to sign in. Once they left to get on the elevator, he stepped up to the desk, slouching with a grin, and said his name, "Gamzee Makara, here for community service." just like Karkat told him to in the car. The young woman sitting behind the desk looked up at him and smiled, her dimples noticeable.

"Right. You've been assigned to a room, instead of going room to room. It's part of a new system we're trying out. You're assigned to room- _oh._"

"What's the matter, sis?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just you're assigned to room 620, and that room has a patient that's a little... hard to take care of, I guess you could say."

"What's so hard? All I gotta do is come here every day and talk with him, right? Maybe boost a motherfucker's day up a little."

"Well, you see..." the woman sighed. She leaned forward as if to whisper something to him but then shook her head and leaned back into her computer chair. "It's nothing. You can go ahead up to his room." She gave him the key to the room and pointed to the stairs, "Third floor."

Gamzee nodded and turned around. He blindly walked up the stairs, zoning out a little as usual. He thought about what he'd be doing right about now if he weren't there. He'd probably be at work or in his apartment, listening to music or watching TV, zoning out as he was doing right now. He probably would've been snacking on some Cheetos with a nice bottle of Faygo. He looked up at the ceiling and decided he would find a vending machine somewhere and get some later.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked down the halls. It was a little cold. Or maybe it was just him. He had a tendency to be freezing most of the time. The air conditioner could be broken in his apartment, and it could be 100 degrees outside; he'd still be an ice cube. That never stopped him from eating a whole tub of ice cream though.

He reached the room 620 and looked down at the key in his hand. He wondered what could be so bad about this patient as he fumbled with the lock. He slowly pushed open the door with a little knock. "Anybody home?" he asked with a slight grin. He didn't want to scare the little guy.

It was dark in the room, and Gamzee didn't see the light switch. He looked across the darkness at the light shining through the window. He could see the dust floating around in the room. But he could also see a man about his height and size in a wheelchair by the window, his elbows on the window sill and his head in his palms. He looked so fragile, so bored. His eyes were dull, and his hair was shaggy, like it hadn't be cut or washed in a while. He had a little brown scarf around his neck and a blanket with little white bulls printed on it spread across his lap.

The man lifted his head in suspicion and looked at Gamzee, curious. He didn't say anything, and Gamzee didn't either. Gamzee slowly entered the room and closed the door behind him with a click.

"Mind if I turn on the light?" he asked, finally spotting the light switch now. He held his finger under it, waiting for the guy's cue. No response came, so he pulled his hand away awkwardly. The man was just staring at him, as if he were taking him in. Gamzee walked in more and decided to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm Gamzee. Your name?"

He didn't respond to that either.

Gamzee was getting a little weirded out and uncomfortable. A light-bulb lit up metaphorically in his brain. "If you're not going to up and tell a motherfucker, I'll figure it out for myself." Gamzee got up and started walking around the room, trying to find something with his name on it. Finally, he found some of his mail. He read the back of one of the envelopes that hadn't been sealed yet. It said in bold letters, "To Rufio."

And at the bottom it said, "Love, Tavros."

"Your name Rufio?" Gamzee asked, looking up from the letter. The man shook his head and blushed a little bit for an unknown reason. "Tavros then?"

He nodded and looked up at him with big, brown eyes will hints of orange in them. "Tavros. That's got a nice ring to it, my man." Gamzee sat back down on the bed with his legs apart and his arms resting on them. "As I already said, I'm Gamzee. Gamzee Makara, if you wanna be all fancy and shit." He got a smile out of him. Good. It was about god damn time.

"I'm here 'cause I got busted for carrying around some drugs. Not that I mind being here. I mean, you seem like a chill motherfucker and all." Tavros turned his wheelchair around and looked at him, placing his hands in his lap and staring at him some more, seeming a little bit interesting now. "I do got some hobbies though. I like to draw. And get high. I like the ocean a lot too. My favorite food is chocolate pie, and I'd eat that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I could. My motherfucking best friend, Karkat, wouldn't let me do that though. He says I'm skinny enough, and if I just ate pie, I'd either become too bloated to walk or I'd be as skinny as a rail because of the lack or protein."

Tavros laughed. And if that weren't one of the best things Gamzee had ever heard... That's what he decided right then and there. He decided that he would do anything in his power to get this guy to smile, to laugh, and, most importantly, talk. Tavros didn't seem as if he were a mute. He seemed as if he talked a little bit, just not around strangers. He was just shy, Gamzee guessed. Maybe if he got Tavros to warm up to him, he'd talk a little bit about himself.

"I see you like to draw too, telling from all of the pictures you got up on the walls." Gamzee got up and touched a picture. It had Tavros drawn next to a man with red hair and fairy wings with his name above his head, "Rufio." Tavros reached out for the drawing, his eyes alarmed and worried. Gamzee stopped touching it and stepped back. "Sorry, man. Didn't mean to alarm a brother." Tavros nodded and leaned back in his chair, relaxing.

Gamzee sat back on the bed. "You willing to up and tell me about your pretty little self now, or do I have to keep on going on about my boring ass life?"

Tavros smirked and pointed at Gamzee, leaning forward a little.

Gamzee went all day talking about himself, making Tavros laugh, making Tavros smile. He talked to him about drawing. He talked about his dream of going to art school one day. He talked about Karkat and all of his other friends. He talked about his family, which wasn't so great. Then he talked about his childhood, what neighborhood he grew up in, some of his silly adventures as a kid. He cracked jokes, and they shared laughs.

And then, at the end of the day when Karkat came to pick him up, he decided this wasn't going to be so bad after all. He also had a new goal. Gamzee Makara had to make Tavros Nitram, the sweet, dying boy in room 620, talk to him.

**Sorry for errors. I'll fix them later, probably.**


	2. Soapy Hands and Dorks

**As you know, Homestuck does not belong to me. Or does it? *eyebrow wiggle***

**I'm already having feelings about this fanfiction. **

**Sorry for errors. I usually do these things in a rush, then I check over them a couple of days later and fix the mistakes. Lol. **

**Reviews are what I live for.. Hinthint.. **

* * *

"You're taking the bus tomorrow. I have to be at work tomorrow early," Karkat told Gamzee with a mutter under his breath, "Stupid fucking boss thinks he knows everything, makes me get him coffee; I'll put poison in that fucking coffee..." Gamzee didn't catch the rest as he pulled away. He watched him get on the road, and Gamzee swore he could hear him yelling at the car in front of him, calling them jackasses who should get their licenses removed and cremated.

He let out a little chuckle and pushed his hair out of his eyes. It was a little warm outside, warmer than it had been in the past couple of months. It usually was a bit nippy, making him wear a jacket and jeans. But today the sun was shining, and it seemed like the perfect weather to go kick it on the beach and paint for a while. Maybe he'd go do that after he visited his little friend here.

Gamzee started walking up the pavement, waving at two little girls with bald heads laughing with each other, taking sips of soda, waving back, and asking their nurses something.

He opened the doors and walked up to the front desk. He rang the little bell and waited for that nice lady to come back. Once she sat down with a spin in her chair, she looked up at him with a friendly smile. She said, looking down at her paper, pen in hand, "Gamzee Makara, am I right?"

Gamzee nodded and laid his elbow on the end of the desk, slouching down to read exactly what that paper said. She seemed to notice he was wondering, so she covered it up with her arm as if to tease him. He made a sort of face that asked, "Really?" and stood up fully.

"Okay, you're signed in," she said, looking up from the paper but not removing her arm. Gamzee nodded but didn't move. He looked down at her name tag. If she knew his name, he'd know her's too.

"Aradia, right?" he asked before continuing. She nodded. "Can you maybe, uh, tell me anything about this Tavros character?"

"Tavros? I guess. What's to know about him? I'm one of his close friends, and I know he can be difficult at times, with him not talking and all, but you have to give him a chance before you go and-"

"Oh, so he doesn't talk with anyone else either? I thought it was just me. Ya know... I wouldn't like it very much if someone came into my room every day and talked to me about random shit either, but.." Gamzee trailed off and cracked a smile.

"No, he doesn't talk very often. He has his moments though, trust me. It's not that he doesn't want to speak. It's more like he's scared to. He blames himself for his accident, and his family life wasn't so good as a kid... He didn't have many friends. He was isolated from society for a long time, and I guess he doesn't want to talk because he's scared that people will reject him again, call him names, bully him."

"Oh. So the kid had it rough..."

"Kid? Ha. Tavros is a couple of years younger than you. He's 24."

"24? I thought he was, like, 18? 16?"

Aradia giggled and spun her chair so she was facing away from Gamzee. She put some papers in the filing cabinets, her eyes jumping from file to file.

"What about you, Aradia? What made you want to help out here? You don't really seem like you'd be the type to do this. No offense, of course."

She spun around to face him again, her eyebrows arching at the sound of her name. "Oh, me? Well, I'm fascinated with life. I think I inherited it from a past life"- they both smiled- "I also like studying death, what people see when they have near-death experiences, what it's like to die, how it feels, where you go. I find it all very interesting, and, I don't know, I guess anything having to do with that topic just attracts me to it, you know? And here at this place, I get to witness both. Sure, it can be painful at times, but I think it's worth it to see smiles instead of frowns when they do... _go._" He nodded. She said a quick, "Well, bye, Gamzee." and vanished to the back room.

Gamzee noticed she left the key on the desk. He picked it up and shoved it into his pocket.

As he walked, he tried to understand her passion for it. She said when they _go_. Did she mean death? But he already knew that. He already knew almost every one ever put into his home was going to die sooner or later. So, why was he so surprised? Maybe it was because he was hurt by this fact. It meant that that sweet boy would have to go too. Tavros Nitram. Tavros Nitram was going to die, and he couldn't do anything about it. Those girls outside were going too. That girl in the wheelchair was going also. Gamzee shook away the thoughts, deciding that he would just have to make every second of their lives perfect until they left, until they ascended to the heavens, leaving this world behind, probably for the better.

That was also on his To-Do List. He added to it mentally.

_To-Do:_

_1) Make Tavros Nitram talk_

_2) Make sure every second is perfect for those who are ill_

He nodded to himself and turned the key in the door, pushing it open with a double knock.

"Tavros. You in here?"

Once again, the lights were off, but the window supplied enough light to see clear enough. He was waiting by the window again, still in his pajamas. When Gamzee walked in, he swore he could've seen Tavros's mouth turn into a slight grin then vanish. He could've swore.

"Today I was thinking we could do something," he said, closing the door behind him.

Without turning away from the window, Tavros pointed behind him to a heap of stuff on his floor. Gamzee walked over there to see what he was up and pointing at. It was a box of puzzles, all completed and laying on top of one another.

"Puzzles?" Gamzee asked, arching one eyebrow and looking at him. "Look, brother. I'm not up and doing no puzzles. That shit is for real boring." He got his attention now. Tavros sat up and turned around to look at Gamzee, interested. "I thought we'd do something that was actually entertaining."

Tavros smiled at him, his eyes lighting up ever so slightly. He cocked his head to side as if to say, "Like what?"

"When's the last time you up and washed that heap of hair of yours?" he asked him, walking over to him and landing his hand on his head. "I know mine isn't fashion-model beautiful, but at least I brush it sometimes."

Tavros shrugged and looked down.

"Come on, man. We can give you a fly motherfucking haircut today, if you'll let me."

Tavros arched both of his eyebrows and looked at him as if to say, "Are you fucking kidding me? You can cut hair? Like I'd believe that in a million years..."

"Nah, man. I promise. I can give real good haircuts. Don't take my hair as an example though," Gamzee let out a little chuckle, "Choose a due out of one of these magazines."

He grabbed some off of his bed and handed them to him. He couldn't help but notice that one of them had a naked lady on it, and you looked up at him with a, "Seriously? You go, man." look and a smile of amusement. Tavros blushed heavily and put that magazine under all of the others.

He started looking, roaming, flipping pages for his haircut he wanted. It was as if he never got this opportunity before his injury, as if he'd never gone to a professional hair-stylist before, as if Gamzee were anything close to that. Before he could get wrapped up in his thoughts, Tavros pushed the magazine in Gamzee's face and pointed at one on page 37.

Gamzee took the magazine and held it up close to his face. He's always had really bad vision. But that was another story for another day. He looked at the model. His hair was in a loose Mohawk, some of the strands flipping off of it in a stylish kind of way.

Gamzee looked up from the magazine and smiled at him like a dork. "We can totally up and do this motherfucker! So simple! You might just have to up and wait until tomorrow though. Kinda can't run home, with my friend Karkat all drivin' me here everyday."

Tavros's smile faded a little bit, but Gamzee put his hands up to stop him, "Don't worry though, bro! We'll totally do this shit! Have a little patience, huh?"

Gamzee punched him in the shoulder lightly, and they both cracked grins.

* * *

And the next day, Gamzee kept to his word. He brought a big bag full of supplies and mirrors and brushes and all kinds of shit. He practically ran off of the bus, the bus being because Karkat had work early. He ran/jogged up the sidewalk, signed in in a hurry, and ran up the stairs with a smile planted on his face. He placed the key in, turned the lock, and pushed the door open.

"Come on, Tav. You ready?"

* * *

His hands were soapy and then rinsed. He put a towel around Tav's neck. He clipped precisely. He shaved the sides of his heads with accuracy, leaving a little bit of fuzz. He combed through the hair and blow dried it. He messed it up with a towel, making Tavros laugh. Every time he'd bend over to get something out of his bag, he'd drop the towel on Tavros's head and over his eyes, surprising him and getting little giggles out.

"Sorry, did I put that there?" Gamzee would say every time until it got old.

He sprayed Tavros's hair with a bottle of water, splashing him in the face once and making his nose wrinkle. He trimmed up around the edges a little, getting a couple of loose strands that had no mind to be up in this new fabulous hair due. He made Tavros close his eyes as he spiffed it all up.

"Open your eyes, motherfucker!"

He did, and he's eyes filled with delight. The sides of his head were shaved, a loose, bright brown Mohawk on top. Two strands were fleeing from the scene and flopped in his eyes. He blew them out of the way and turned around to look at Gamzee. He looked like Gamzee had just gotten him a puppy or a luxury car. He was just so damn _happy_.

"Like it?" Gamzee half-laughed, knowing the answer already. Tavros nodded enthusiastically. "Good."

After a minute or two of Tavros looking at himself in the mirror and squashing his cheeks or making facial expressions, Gamzee finally said with a hinted chuckle, "Come on. Let's go show Aradia."

Tavros nodded with delight, and Gamzee grabbed the handlebars on his wheelchair. Together, they went out of the door, racing down the hall, and down the elevator, having way more fun than you could ever have than playing with puzzles.

* * *

**Definitely continuing with this! :D This is one of my favorites I've probably ever written, because it's such a good prompt? I wish I had the URL of the person who gave it to me (too bad they were on Anon..).**

**I am not racist. I love puzzles. My best friend is a puzzle.  
**


	3. Talking About Butterflies

**Trying a new format. **

**Homestuck does not belong to me!  
**

It had been a week since Gamzee had stepped foot in that home, a week since he had turned his life around. Instead of smoking pot, he visited Tavros. Instead of going out for drinks, he visited Tavros. Instead of watching Oprah in his underwear all day and snacking on Cheetos, he visited Tavros. So, maybe he was becoming a little obsessed with this kid. He shouldn't really say kid though. Tavros was just as much as an adult as Gamzee was. So what though? It was probably for the better that they spent a lot of time together. And Gamzee thought the feeling was mutual. It was. Tavros got to be around someone, to know what a friend was like. He got to feel happy. And Gamzee... Sure, he got his dirty habits out of the way, but it wasn't only that. There was something else he got. It was something he'd never been able to place. It was a warm feeling that he didn't want to let go. He knew that.

Gamzee twisted the key. The light was on this time. Tavros was looking out the window with a grin on his face. He was watching the people go by, as he did every day. Except now, he left the light on every day, so Gamzee could look up outside and see his face. And once they caught eyes, Tavros would start smiling, and he'd wave.

He whipped around in his chair, as he started doing lately.

"Hey, Tav," Gamzee started calling him by that nickname lately too. He called almost all of his friends by nicknames. Saying their full names, he thought, was just too formal. Gamzee needed to let people know he was their friend, a good friend. Why? Hell, if he had known.

"Hey, Gamzee. What're we going to do today?" Tavros asked with a grin. Right. Gamzee had gotten him talking lately too. But he only talked around him. If someone else were in the room, he'd shut right up. He wouldn't even talk around Aradia. It was only Gamzee. Gamzee didn't know what he did to deserve that privilege, but he wasn't complaining.

* * *

_It started like this... _

Gamzee was sitting on his bed. He'd been there for a couple of hours, talking to Tavros about some stuff. Then, Gamzee started asking him questions. He started asking, "What's your favorite food?" "What's your favorite color?" You know, questions you couldn't just nod or shake your head to. He never answered; he just kind of looked down at his feet in shame. Gamzee crouched down in front of him, tilted his chin up with his hand and made him look at him in the eyes. "Tavros Nitram. I will not bite you. I'm here to talk with you, get to know you, be friends with you. I want to be your friend. Your best motherfucking friend. I promise my mirthful messiahs I will not lay a hand on you or call you names. I will not hurt a motherfucking hair on your motherfucking head. I just want to be a friend... And I can't do that if your motherfucking trap is closed every single second..." After a moment, Gamzee sighed and decided that it wasn't the time or place for him to get his chat on. He turned around and grabbed his coat off of his bed. Gamzee turned around, flashing a grin at him, "See you tomorrow, Tav." He started for the door but paused. "B-Brown." Gamzee turned around to face him with an astonished look, "What?" "Brown... M-My favorite color... i-is brown..." he stuttered, looking away. Gamzee grinned so wide. If that wasn't the most motherfucking beautiful sound he had ever heard someone make, he didn't know what was. His voice was angel-like. Sure, he stuttered a lot, but it had a nice ring to it. He never found out why someone would ever want to hide away something that beautiful.

* * *

"I don't know, man. We can do whatever you up and feel like doing," Gamzee replied, closing the door and walking over to the window. He sat on the window sill and pointed his thumb towards the trees outside. "I always see you looking out this motherfucking window all day. You ever go outside much?"

"Outside? Uh, no. Actually, I haven't been outside in a while. It's not that I don't like it out there... I love going outside! It's so nice and warm. And there are so many animals and people to talk to and things to do..." Before he got carried away, Gamzee arched his eyebrows to cue him to get to the point. "Oh, right. I love going outside, but no one ever takes me. Before you came, every one who came in here just talked to me for a while and then left. They never really took interest in me. They just wanted to get in and then get right back out, I guess. So, uh, you're the first person to ever ask me that..."

There was a silence. He was just pressing his fingers together, and Gamzee was waiting for him to continue. When Tavros didn't, Gamzee spoke up, "Do you _want_ to go outside?"

After a minute, he let out a sigh and looked up at Gamzee with those big brown eyes, "More than anything."

Gamzee got up from the window sill and popped his back, "You should've said something, Tav." He walked around his chair and grabbed the handlebars.

"Where are we going?"

"Outside."

"Really?" His eyes lit up like Gamzee had flipped a switch or something. The expression on his face was priceless as Gamzee wheeled him down that hallway and on to the elevator. A woman Gamzee had never seen was on there with them. Tavros's face was like a child's when you get them their first puppy, when someone has their first kiss. Hell. If he had known that going outside meant this much to him, he would've taken him out ages ago. Suddenly, Tavros turned to his right and looked up at the lady. "I'm going outside," he said. The lady smiled at him and got off of the elevator.

Gamzee let out a laugh and wheeled him out. He took cautious steps by the desk, knowing that someone was going to stop them.

"Where do you think you two are going?" a female high-pitched voice stopped them in their tracks. Damn it. He turned around without turning around Tavros. He put his hands in his pockets and looked to the left.

"Um. Outside?"

"Did you get permission to go outside?" Aradia asked.

"Um. No."

"Don't you think you would need permission?"

"Uh. Probably."

"Why didn't you get it?"

"Because... I didn't think about it."

"You guys are just like children, you know that?" Aradia asked, crossing her arms. Then, she started laughing, and she put her hand over her face. "Fine. Come here."

She walked behind the desk and sat down at the computer. Gamzee followed her, stopping at the front of the desk, dragging Tavros backwards as he walked. He let out a little, "Eep!" And after Gamzee stopped, he turned himself around and punched him lightly in the arm, giving him a stern look at screamed,"Don't do that!" Gamzee laughed and replied with, "Sorry about that, bro."

After a couple of signatures and after filling out some papers, they were through the doors in a flash, eager to get out of there. Aradia had said they were only allowed to go around the hospital. There would be no leaving for ice cream or going into the woods. But that didn't really bother Tavros that much.

The warm wind hit his face and he was happy. He was leaning out of his chair and looking around and smiling and laughing. He high-fived a little girl as they strolled around gravel path that stretched around the building.

"It feels really nice out here," Tavros commented for maybe the third time. Gamzee chuckled. He had never seen him so talkative. The two stopped for a minute as Tavros looked down at bright yellow flowers that hadn't died off from the fall chill. He pushed himself forwards a little and bent over. He beamed down at the flowers. Not noticing it was even there, a butterfly leaped off and landed on his nose. He crossed his eyes to look at it on the tip of his nose. He grinned from ear to ear and looked at Gamzee with bright eyes. They both started laughing, giggling, making the butterfly fly away.

And then it clicked. That warm feeling that Gamzee felt...

He stopped laughing and stared at Tavros for a minute. He stared up at Gamzee, eyes wide and curious. "G-" he started to talk but then stopped. Gamzee smiled warmly and took his handlebars again, "Come on, Tav. Let's stay outside until I have to go, okay?"

Tavros nodded enthusiastically and put his hands on the hand rests, gripping them. They stopped on a bench later once Gamzee got tired of walking. They talked for a while. Tavros would stop once someone would walk passed. He'd hide his face away by looking down, and when he'd look back up his face was covered in blush. That was an amazing sight to see.

And that warm feeling came again every time it happened. And Gamzee decided he never wanted that warm feeling to go away, so he gripped it tight and held onto it.


	4. Playing cards and Smooches

**This chapter is really freaking short. Wow. Oh well.**

**Homestuck doesn't belong to me blahblahblah...**

Gamzee's face was red, though Tavros couldn't see it because of his face paint. Gamzee's eyes were wide. His heart was beating. He wasn't sure if this was something people just _did_ or what. He had had his first kiss before, but he wasn't the one who started it all. It was the other person who dived in for that shit. And he never really kissed anyone after that. If he did, it was usually just platonic kisses. He never really was the person to go smooching people. But Tavros was just sitting there and laughing with him while they were sitting on the floor, playing some card game. He was probably worse than Gamzee was. Maybe he hadn't even had his first kiss, Gamzee thought. But then he took a second look at him and decided that he had to.

But Gamzee knew that if he didn't make a move, no one would. Nothing would change, and they would remain just friends forever. But maybe that wasn't so bad. Maybe that's the way things were supposed to be. Maybe just being friends for eternity was something Gamzee could deal with if it meant he wouldn't have to risk scaring him off. Because what if he made his move and he was disgusted? What if he told him to get out, to never come back? Gamzee didn't have to come back anymore. It had been two months already. He was free of his community service now, not that it stopped him from coming here every day anyway.

He was scared of losing him, Gamzee knew. Gamzee wanted to be here forever. He wanted to come here every day and visit Tavros, maybe bring his guitar like he had been doing every now and then and sing for the kids in the lobby, paint Tav a picture, draw with him some more, play some cards with him some more. But Gamzee also wanted to kiss him, feel his lips brush up against his own, feel his teeth clack with his, his tongue slide into his mouth, pressing up against his lips and exploring his mouth. Gamzee wanted to show him he had these feelings for him that couldn't motherfucking be described in words he could understand. So, he went for it.

When Tavros put his cards down, looking down at them and then back up at Gamzee with those brown eyes that were half closed caused by his happy smile due to the fact that he had won this round, along with all of the others, Gamzee put his palms on the floor and slowly leaned himself forward, lifting himself off of his legs which he had been sitting on. He stopped smiling the second Gamzee started leaning and replaced his facial expression with one of confusion. Gamzee was pretty sure that when he came an inch from his face, that's when Tavros instantly turned red. And Gamzee was pretty sure that right before their lips met, Tavros whispered half of Gamzee's name. But he couldn't know for sure, because everything went by so fast, even though it was like slow motion. It was like everything stopped suddenly. The world stopped turning. Waves stopped splashing. Dogs stopped barking. Butterflies stopped fluttering. Every thing and every one stopped to look at them.

And when Gamzee pulled away two seconds in to look at Tav's face, it was probably the best thing he had ever seen in his life. Tavros's face was red. His eyes were huge. His pupils were concentrated on Gamzee and Gamzee alone. It was just a peck on the lips, just a peck. But that was all Gamzee needed. It certainly wasn't all he wanted, but it was all he needed. He just needed to feel his lips on his one time before he started telling him to get out, before he got mad or scared. Gamzee wondered if it would be worth it. He decided it wasn't. He decided that he could've held back longer. He could've thought about it longer. He could've prevented being thrown out of his room. He could've held back forever if he had known it meant he was going to have to go back to life without Tavros.

Gamzee jumped to his feet and backed up away from him. "Tav. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't-... I couldn't-... I just-... I'm-..." he stuttered, "I didn't mean..." Gamzee stopped and looked down at his feet. "You don't even have to say anything, okay? I'll just leave. Sorry."

"G-Gamzee!" Tavros shouted, causing Gamzee to stop turning around and to look at him. "I-... It's okay. Actually, it's more than okay. Uh, I don't know what word to use to describe it. Um... You don't have to leave. Actually, please.. don't. Don't, uh, go. We aren't done playing cards, and we were going to draw and everything today too. I mean, you even brought your, uh, paints and stuff..." He didn't break his eye contact like he usually did when speaking to Gamzee. His eyes were just wide, and his face got a deeper shade of red with each sentence he stumbled on. As he talked, his voice's volume went down.

After a couple of moments of silence, Tavros gulped and basically exclaimed, closing his eyes, "O-Or you could just, uh, kiss me again!" And that was all Gamzee wanted.

That's it. He was perfect. He was the sweetest perfection Gamzee could've ever imagined. Even if he didn't think so, he was amazing, spectacular, outstanding, _perfect_. And what did Gamzee do to deserve something like this? What did he do to get blessed like this? How did he get room 620? There were at least 1000 rooms in that building, and someone picked his soulmate's out of a hat.

Before he knew it, he was back on the floor. And he did it right this time. He kissed him right, not quickly and sloppily like last time. There weren't any tongues or anything. It was just a simple, long kiss that he never wanted to end. Tavros's lips were slightly chapped and were pressing up against Gamzee's lightly. And he broke it to look at Tavros. Gamzee suddenly broke out into a grin. Tavros was the first to start giggling, then laughing. Gamzee soon followed. They were _so incredibly cheesy._

_}:)_

* * *

**,, bUT YOU SEE, vRISKA,, yOUR OPINION IS INVALID, bECAUSE I'M GETTING THE,, uH, d TONIGHT };)**


	5. Gatherings and Wrong Ideas

**Yeah yeah. I know I'm skipping around a lot with "a month later..." and "two weeks later...", but this story isn't going to be as long as Three Bottles of Faygo and a Chocolate pie so... **

**There is ONE mention of sex in this and even then it's not that much so don't even complain about the rating. Snaps fingers**

**Homestuck doesn't belong to me. You all know that. C:**

* * *

Tavros wheeled into the lobby and stopped for a second to loosen his scarf that was a little too tight. Gamzee had just taken him outside when it had started snowing. He had said he had to go anyway, gave Tav a peck on the cheek, and left. Tavros still wasn't really comfortable showing public displays of affection. He had always thought those were private matters to be kept in, well, private. It's not like he had a lot to keep private before though.

It had been one month since Gamzee had kissed him, since he kissed back. However, Tavros was still confused on the status of their relationship. He guessed they were boyfriends...? It hadn't really been put on the table. No one had said anything. And by no one, he meant Gamzee. Let's be honest here. Tavros wasn't going to be the one to come out and ask that question. That wasn't like him. It was Gamzee's job to ask him stuff. It was his job to answer, no matter how much he just wanted to curl up in a ball and ignore it. So Tavros guessed that Gamzee would have to be the one to ask.

He guessed that about a week ago. Gamzee still hadn't said anything about it, and it was eating Tavros up inside. Of course Gamzee wouldn't say anything. He didn't know it was bothering Tavros. How could he? _It was Gamzee. _He probably already knew if they were/weren't a Tavros decided to make it his job to ask him about it, no matter how awkward it was.

Tav would ask him when he came back from eating out with some friends. Gamzee said Karkat and Terezi would be there, along with some other regular and old friends from high school. Tavros wasn't quite sure why he was coming back though, not that he minded. In matter of fact, it was perfect and convenient, so he didn't ask any questions.

Tavros rolled passed the desk and towards the elevator, smiling at Aradia and nodding his head at her.

"Tavros?"

He turned around and looked at her, raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

"Gamzee told me he was coming over again tonight and to not lock up early, like I usually do."

Tavros nodded with a slight smile, looking down a little bit. Direct eye contact always was always a little too serious for him.

"It's already getting a little late, you know."

He looked up now, curious as to what she was getting at with this. He tilted his head a little and raised his eyebrows to emphasis his growing impatience. She got really close to Tavros's face, her mouth breaking out into a mischievous grin. She lowered a voice in a whisper.

"Are you getting some?"

His eyes widened, and he rolled back from her. Tavros shook his head left to right over and over, his blush increasing at an alarming rate. His eyebrows were raised, and he was biting his lip while he put his hands up in front of him to reject everything she was saying. Tavros closed his eyes.

"Calm down, Tavros. I won't tell anyone."

He opened his eyes, lowered his eyebrows and hands, and looked at her.

"Just tell him to hurry up. He has to be out of here by 9:00. Got it?"

Tavros nodded and wheeled away quickly, not even caring that she still thought they were going to... you know... He just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. That was super awkward, and he wanted nothing to do with that conversation ever again. Tavros got onto the elevator and pressed up, sighing in relief that no one else was on it.

* * *

_Somewhere else... _

Gamzee hopped on the bus, taking the second seat on the right that had no one in it. He stared out the window and looked at the home. He thought about how it was a shame Tavros couldn't come. How come they wouldn't let him out of that dentist-smelling place to actually enjoy the rest of his life? Tav wasn't getting any younger, and considering his condition, you'd think that the people there would encourage getting out and roaming around. Then he thought about Tavros having some kind of accident and him needing help Gamzee couldn't provide. If Tavros got hurt, it'd be Gamzee's fault. If he die-...

Before he could get caught up in his thoughts, he pushed his feels away and looked at his buzzing phone. Speak of the motherfucker...

"gAMZEE,, yOU HAVE TO LEAVE HERE AT,,, nINE, sO JUST COME BACK ONCE YOU THINK WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH,, tIME,,, tO DO WHATEVER IS IT, yOU WANTED TO, uH, dO,,,,"

He looked at the time on his phone. It was 6:39 pm, and the gathering ended around 8:00. Gamzee figured he could leave 10 minutes early, catch the bus, and get back over there a little before 8:30. God damn that was a lot of thinking. Gamzee texted back...

"yEaH. I'Ll GeT oVeR tHeRe ArOuNd 8:30. mAyBe We CoUlD pLaY tHaT cArD gAmE yOu LiKe So MuCh Or SoMe ShIt :o). IdK. I jUsT dOnT wAnNa Go HoMe RiGhT aFtEr ThE pArTy, yOu FeEl Me?"

"yEAH,, dOG,,, i FEEL YOU,,, }:)"

He shoved his phone back into his pocket with a little grin. Sometimes Tavros tried to talk like Gamzee with the "bros" and "dogs" thrown in random places. Gamzee found it cuter than a motherfucking puppy playing through a snow pile that's way too big for the little scamp.

Gamzee jumped off of the bus once it was his stop, dropping the money in the little jar on his way out. He walked for a little while until he came upon a little cafe. He glanced up at the name and nodded, remembering this was the place Karkat had yelled at him over and over to make sure he didn't forget, stumble onto some random one, and sit there for hours... _like he did last time._ Good times. He met a little old lady in that random place and had a nice chat with her for a while. Of course he was high off his ass, so he didn't really remember what they talked about.

Anyway, Gamzee walked into the cafe and looked around. It was pretty big, despite its looks from the outside. He took his scarf and jacket off and hung it on the coat rack by the door. He always liked the places that had these racks. They made him feel more at home.

"Gamzee! Glad you could make it," a familiar voice made him turn around to look down at the little cat girl. He always felt so tall next to Nepeta. Terezi was right behind her, hanging onto her jacket for guidance.

"Forgot your stick-thingy again, huh?" Gamzee asked her.

"Shut up," Terezi said with a grin, "I blame Karkat for not reminding me." She added a little laugh at the end.

"Stop blaming me for the shit you don't do," Karkat was here now, poking her shoulder and putting his hands on his hips. The two started arguing and bickering as they made their way back to the table, Terezi holding onto Karkat's hood this time.

"I take it that's where we're sittin'?" Gamzee asked Nepeta. She nodded and lead the way over to the huge table which was two 4-seating booths pushed together.

That was one hell of a night and headache.

* * *

Once Gamzee got back to the hospital, Tavros kissed his head, joking that it would make it all better, and they played cards and video games for a while. Then Gamzee got to noticing how Tavros was blushing a little bit, how his hands were twitching like they do when he's all nervous, how he was biting the bottom of his lip and chewing on the inside of his cheek, how his eyes darted to and fro. Gamzee finally asked him what was up with him.

"I just... It's nothin-... No, it's something," he said, nodding his head as if he were summing up the courage to ask Gamzee whatever it was. "I have something to ask you... about."

"Go on, motherfucker. I won't bite," he encouraged with a gentle smile.

"I was just wondering what, you know... we _are_ exactly," he said, looking away from Gam, taking a deep breath, then looking back into your eyes. "I mean, of course, if we are anything at all, that is."

Gamzee gave it some thought and replied with a grin, "We can be whatever you want us to be, bro. Simple as that."

"Wait. So... uh... I get to... decide?" There was a tiny moment of silence before he continued, "Then can we, um, be boyfriends? For a long, long time...?"

"That would probably make me the happiest motherfucker to ever have stepped foot on this here planet," Gamzee said, having the close his eyes because his grin was so big. He placed his hand on Tavros's head and ruffled his Mohawk around a little bit.

When Gamzee was done smooching and goofing off with his br- _boyfriend _and was finally heading home, he shouted a good-bye to Aradia. She looked at him and gave him a little wink and a wiggle of her eyebrows as if she were suggesting something. Gamzee had no idea where that came from or what that was about, but he gave a little wink back. He didn't wanna be rude.

* * *

**Gamzee. Gamzee water you doing. Gamzee, no. You just suggested you guys were getting freaky. She has the wrong idea now._ Gamzee. _**


	6. Elevators and Nonexistent Hair Strands

**Sorry I haven't update in, like, 2 months. School, stress, etc. **

**This chapter is really fluffy. If you didn't know better, you'd think this fanfiction was a god damn bunny. It's that fluffy.**

**Also, now featuring super long paragraphs and some really long sentences. **

**Okay, yeah. So, we're all clear that I don't own Homestuck? Okay. Good. Good. **

* * *

"Motherfuck, Tav," Gamzee laughed and pulled his ear away from Tavros's mouth. "We're in fucking public, man."

Some time had passed. Gamzee had gotten to know Tavros better and vice versa. He had started picking up on some of his boyfriend's quirks and habits that he hadn't really noticed before. For example, Tavros, even though there was barely any hair around his ears, still tried to tuck away pieces behind his ear. He'd try to push nonexistent strands but then immediately put down his hand in his lap, hoping no one noticed.

Tavros also had a tendency to beckon Gamzee to come over, as if he were going to tell him a secret, then whisper really dirty things into his ear, just to see if he could get Gamzee to blush, something he said he loved to see. It embarrassed the hell out of Gamzee if other people were around, even though he would never admit it. And even though he never admitted it, Tavros still knew, and he still did it.

That was something else Gamzee noticed about Tavros. He was a total dick sometimes. And if you wanted to see some major sass, you would've visited Tavros Nitram, because that guy had some serious attitude. But this just piled on to the things Gamzee loved about him. The fact that they could be huge douche bags together was a miracle. And then there were the times that Tavros was so unbelievably adorable. Sometimes he'd look at cat videos on Youtube when you brought your laptop over, and he'd laugh for hours. Once he was done laughing, hours later he'd crack up out of no where, saying between giggles, "I thought of the cat again."

Gamzee realized he probably couldn't make a list of all of the things that he loved about Tavros Nitram, because that list would go on for infinity and would probably disintegrate his right hand if he were to write it. Some of the major things would be the way he tried to hide his porn stash, even though Gamzee could see the magazines under his bed, the way his face lit up when he talked about his books and fairy-tales and _flying_, the way he drew Gamzee little characters on post-it notes and stuck them on things he'd find when he got home, and let's not forget the way he snorted when he laughed sometimes. Gamzee sighed, caught up in his daydreams.

"Gamzee?" Tavros asked, his hands in his lap and his eyes bright. Gamzee jumped a little, being woken up from his "castle in the air" if you will. "Did you want to go back inside?"

"Yeah, sure. There are too many people out here to get in a good conversation with you," Gamzee smiled. Even after all this time, Tavros still wasn't comfortable talking in front of other people. Sometimes he tried really hard. He could never do it. Usually, all that came out was a squeak. And when they went back up to his room, Tavros would say all the words he wished he could've said to the person. Sometimes he'd cry. But all of the time, Gamzee was there with him.

Gamzee took his handlebars and pushed him inside, onto the elevator, and to his room. Sometimes if Tavros was up to it, Gamzee would push Tavros in the elevator, walk out, wait a while, then dash up the stairs to see if he could beat him to the room. Usually Gamzee would let Tavros win, or that's what he always told himself. However, today was not one of those days. Tavros wasn't feeling too hot, so there wouldn't be much playing around.

Usually on days like these, Gamzee would pick Tavros up out of his chair and lie him in bed. Then, he'd crawl in next to him on top of the sheets, and they'd stare at the ceiling or at each other. Gamzee did all of those things today. Today they would stare at the ceiling, and they would hold hands while doing so. Usually, Gamzee would go on and on about random things, not making Tavros talk if he didn't want to. When he did this, Tavros would always drift off; Gamzee could always tell when he started his light snoring. When he woke, he'd always use the excuse that Gamzee had a very soothing voice and that he couldn't help it. However, Gamzee was pretty sure it was because Tavros got bored, or Tav just wanted to cuddle, so he faked being asleep because he was too embarrassed to ask. It was probably the latter.

But on this day, Tavros specifically said, "I want to talk, Gamzee."

"About what?"

"Anything... Everything."

Gamzee laughed and squeezed Tavros's hand lightly. "Can I ask you something then, bro?"

"Yeah. Anything."

"I've always had this curiosity rumbling in my cranium about you and this Rufio guy you always draw. Who is he?"

Tavros took a minute and looked over at the countless pictures taped to his walls and scattered across his room. "Don't laugh."

"I would never motherfucking laugh at something that seemed so important to a motherfucker."

"He's an imaginary friend I've had... forever, it seems." He paused. "He's like my confidence. He's everything I wish I could be and more... And I draw him... or write letters to him... whenever I'm feeling down...

"Whenever I've wanted to kill myself..."

Gamzee turned his head and looked at the portion of the room he could see without having to sit up. He had never noticed before, but the whole room was littered with Rufio drawings and letters and all kinds of things. Gamzee had been picking them up and looking at them when Tavros had his back turned or was out of the room. He never read the letters, but sometimes the drawings had little quotes on them that Gamzee guessed were from some. But now that he knew this information, everything about the innocent drawings seemed to change. Everything they were, everything Gamzee thought they were changed. Hundreds of pieces of paper were there, representing every time Tavros felt bad about himself, wanted to end his life.

Gamzee's face grew troubled. He turned over to look at Tavros, who was looking up at the ceiling. He moved closer and slung his arm around Tavros. He pulled him close and kissed his lips in little pecks. He kissed the tears away. He kissed the bridge of his nose. Tavros snuggled his head between Gamzee's head and shoulder. Gamzee pecked kisses at his neck. He stopped and asked in a whisper, "What stopped you, Tav?"

There wasn't a reply.

"Tavros, I don't know what I would do without you."

No reply.

Gamzee held on tighter.

* * *

**Doesn't update for 2 months.**

**Drops feelings all over you.**

**Sorry. **


	7. Low-Budget Flying and Talks

Tavros stayed in bed for a couple of days. During those days, Gamzee stayed with him, read him books he was probably capable of reading on his own, brought him fast food, laid beside him, talked to him, and even tried to bake him cookies. Once. He ended up burning them and almost caught his apartment on fire. He tried one and almost hurled. He promised he'd never try to bake those without Tavros again.

"Tavros?"

"Mm?" Tavros wiped his eyes, waking up from his little nap.

"You're gonna be alright, right?"

"Yeah, of course, Gamzee," Tavros rolled over and tilted his head up to look his boyfriend in the eyes.

"I'm glad to hear that, man." Gamzee bit his lip and continued, "Don't know what'd I do without a motherfucker."

"I know. You tell me that all the time now."

"It's the truth."

"Never said it wasn't."

After a few minutes, Tavros pulled himself closer to Gamzee, clinging to his shirt, and buried his head in his chest. He closed his eyes, prepared to doze off again.

"You ever think you'll get out of this place, Tav? Get out, and come live with me?"

"Gamz, are you alright?" This wasn't like him. Usually, he pushed all of those hard questions away and locked them up, hid from them. But Gamzee never ceased to surprise Tavros.

"Please just answer."

"Will you leave me if I do?"

"No. No, of course not."

"Sometimes I think about it. I wonder what it would be like to get out of this place and go live with you forever. I think about being happy and free, going places I've never been and getting a job somewhere nice. But deep down inside I know it'll never happen."

"So you'll just live here all of your life?"

"There's really no other choice. Look at me. I can't even sit up."

"But..."

"It's not much of a life, I know. But I think it's better than no life at all."

When Gamzee didn't reply, Tavros said, "And with you here, it makes everything ten times better."

Gamzee still didn't reply, so Tavros took the hint that he was done talking and went back to sleep. Gamzee just held him for hours, listening to his gentle snores and thinking.

* * *

A whole week had to pass until Tavros felt good enough to get out of bed. Gamzee was pretty excited and relieved, this episode being Tav's longest one yet. He was so restless and ready to get out of that room that he insisted Tavros get on his back instead of riding around in a wheelchair. With complaints from Aradia of course, Tavros agreed and jumped on.

Gamzee held on tight to the legs that were wrapped around his sides, promising more than once that he wouldn't drop Tavros. And as soon as they were out of that room, he took off down the stairs, almost bumping into a young woman with some papers in her hands. He shouted a sorry, ignoring the laughter from his companion. Down the stairs and passed the reception desk. Through the doors and outside. Running. Running faster now.

Gamzee gripped Tavros's legs tighter when he felt arms being removed from around his neck. He knew Tavros was holding out his arms like a child pretending to be an airplane. He could feel his stomach on the back of his head as Tavros leaned forward slightly. He could hear the laughter. He could feel the smile, and before he knew it, he was smiling too.

Wind blew in Tavros's face. It blew around his arms, and the chill gave him goosebumps. His hair was going every which way, but that didn't matter. It was part of the experience. He closed his eyes. He envisioned that he was soaring, that he was finally free. This was as close to flying as he was going to get, and he_ loved _it.

* * *

They stayed outside all day, celebrating Tavros's recovery. However, he didn't get to stay on Gamzee's back for very long. The thrill of flying ended as soon as it started, because Gamzee used up all of his energy darting down those stairs. Tavros still appreciated the short time he got, giving Gamzee a peck to express his gratitude. So instead of low-budget flying, they resided on one of the benches. "Any.. motherfucking tim..e..." Gamzee said after the little kiss, still trying to catch his breath.

After a few moments, Gamzee started fake choking. "T-Tav... I need.. another kiss... fast..." he said in between chokes. Tavros giggled and punched in him in the arm. Gamzee took the joke further, lying on his back on Tavros's legs, still pretending to choke.

"He-Help, Tavros... I'm dyin..g.." he said, clawing at Tavros's shirt.

Tavros started laughing, saying, "Gamzee, we're in public. Stop!"

Gamzee made one louder noise and let his body go limp. After a couple of moments of Tavros laughing at him, Gamzee whispered, "This is the part where you kiss me back to life, motherfucker."

"Right," Tavros said, grinning. He leaned down and kissed his goofy boyfriend, his boyfriend then sucking in air loudly and scrambling everywhere after.

Tavros snickered and remarked, "You're so fucking weird."

"Yeah," Gamzee replied, still lying on his back.


	8. Nightmares and Temperatures

Brown. Brown was everywhere. It coated his hands. He felt it on his lips. He could taste the metallic flavor that got his blood pumping.

The glow of his laptop set him in a trance. It made him think. It wasn't the glow. No. It was the words. They were foggy though. They were purple and brown words. Brown was splattered on the screen.

He put his hand on the glow to read, to still the room.. Everything was spinning. He took his hand off and looked around the room quickly. He rose to his feet. He looked around. The room was spinning.

What was that? Paint? What was that in the corner? A mannequin head? No. Real. It was real. It was blood, not paint.

Tavros's voice. "Gamzee, what happened?"

* * *

Gamzee jolted awake. He was covered in sweat, his blankets thrown off his bed, and curled in a ball. He stretched himself from the uncomfortable position, his whole body hurting for a moment. He must've been like that all night.

He looked over at his clock. All night? It wasn't even day yet, almost 2:00 am. He sat up and put his head in his hands, trying to shake the I-just-woke-up-and-I'm-a-bit-dizzy feeling. He took a deep breath and flopped back down, staring up at his ceiling.

"They're getting more vivid," Gamzee thought. He'd been having these dreams, dreams of another reality. In these dreams, there was Tavros and him. And that fact was the only thing that seemed to stay consistent. It was always Gamzee and Tavros. But in each dream, something different happened. And even though everything was different, blood was guaranteed. Gamzee didn't know how he knew that the colorful substances were blood; he just did. At first, he assumed paint. But his brain corrected him.

In these dreams, the setting around him always spun, making him think of how a spider spins its web; the fact that a spider was brought up made him incredibly angry for some reason. As each dream passed, the next one became more clear. The spinning would slow a little and the blur would lift slightly. Gamzee didn't want to keep having these dreams, knowing that if they continued the blur and spinning would cease completely, and he didn't know if he was ready to see what lie behind them. He'd much rather run away from his dreams, go back to dreaming of an alive and healthy Tavros and pies and soda. These dreams were ruining him, giving him a sense of amnesia that he couldn't shake. It was like a big boulder in his mind that he couldn't push passed, blocking the way to his memories, and it was the single most frustrating thing he could think of.

Gamzee figured these dreams wouldn't be so bad if Tavros didn't die in **every single one of them**. In every dream, there was brown blood. He only knew it was Tavros's because of his decapitated head lying in the corner, leaking out the brown substance. It was the most vile thing he had ever seen, and it terrified him. He was so scared, so depressed at just the slight glimpse of it. It made him want to vomit. But at the same time, it gave him something that couldn't be explained in words. Closure? No. No. It as the exact opposite of closure. It was like he was using the head to hang on to his best friend, keep him close to make sure he never forgot he existed.

Gamzee shook his head and grabbed his phone from the little table beside his bed. He quickly skimmed down his contacts list, looking for Tavros. He clicked, "Send Text To" and started typing.

"i had another dream. they're becoming clearer, tav. i'll be over tomorrow for sure. i love" He paused and erased what he was about to type. He didn't want to worry him. So, he sent the text with the "I love you." cut off and his typing quirk absent. Hopefully, he didn't worry his boyfriend too much.

Not expecting a reply any time soon, Gamzee rose from his mattress and wandered over to his fridge. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and walked over to his balcony. He sat down in a lawn chair and munched on his Fruit Loops, waiting for the sun to come up, because he knew he wasn't going back to sleep until he saw Tavros alive and breathing.

* * *

8:00 am. The home was open for visitors now. Gamzee was already halfway there. He still hadn't gotten his text back from Tavros yet. He was probably still asleep though; the motherfucker would sleep all day if you let him. But that too was something Gamzee admired about Tavros Nitram. No matter what happened, he could still be calm enough to get a lot of shut-eye.

Now that he actually thought of it, there were a lot of qualities Gamzee wished he had of Tavros's, and he couldn't understand how he had such a low self-esteem. The man was near perfection. Before he knew it, Gamzee was listing off thing after thing that he admired about the Taurus in his mind, a blush spreading behind his makeup as he day-dreamed. There was this and that, not to forget that adorable thing, also this and this other thing too, oh and the-

Gamzee snapped out of it as soon as the bus stopped in front of the home. He grabbed his bag and did a half-jog thing down the aisle, giving a 'thank you' and a 'sorry i must have dozed off there' to the driver. He ran off the bus and up the path to his Tavros.

Once inside, he waved to Aradia, and up the stairs he went. He turned the doorknob and clicked on the lights to find Tavros still in his bed. The man groaned and muttered, "Hi, Gamzee." He shifted and turned over, the blankets getting all tangling around him. Gamzee laughed and bent over to free him from them, grabbing the sheets from under him and pulling them out. As he was leaning over, he couldn't help but notice that Tavros's eyes were puffier than usual, and his face had gotten paler. Gamzee got a concerned look on his face and put the back of his hand on Tavros's forehand.

He immediately pulled back, "Ouch, motherfucker. You're burning up. Does anyone know about this?"

"I didn't know myself," Tavros replied, "Thought it was just one of those days where I feel like shit."

"Here. I'll go get somebody. Maybe they can give you some pills or some shit," Gamzee said, putting his bag on the floor and adding stupidly, "Don't go nowhere."

"Honestly, I don't really know where I would go, but okay, I guess."

* * *

**Shit's going down.**

**Also, I just wanted to add some notes to this chapter about Gamzee's behavior. This little paragraph thing is completely optional, and you don't have to read it. It's just me rambling about my headcanons and shit ok. **

**Okay, well. As I was writing this chapter, I couldn't help but notice how human!Gamzee and Gamzee would be so different mentally. I think that they would be this way because of the way they were brought up. In troll society, Gamzee is raised in a harsher environment, because that's normal. Well in human society, Gamzee would be taught, even if he father wasn't around, that killing is a no-no, whereas on Alternia killing would be acceptable and is probably normal, because it shows power. **

**I really wanted to show the differences in their personalities because of this fact. Like, showing human!Gamzee what his alternate universe self did would probably traumatize him on so many levels. **

**And on another note, usually my human!Gamzee takes medication to calm his tits, but in order for this AU to work, I had to make him use the oh-so-popular version, weed. I don't really like that headcanon, but the whole story kind of revolves around it. My original Gamzee takes pills to get rid of the visions and things he sees (aka everything from troll!Gamzee's timeline), but I couldn't do that here, so (BAM!) nightmares!**

**So, to wrap up my rambling, Gamzee is a bit off due to the fact that he's human, and Gamzee's character basically revolves around the fact that he is a troll. I do believe he is the trolliest of the trolls, due to his aggressive nature. Lol. So, if you think a chunk of Gamzee is missing, it's because he's not using troll words that make up his dialogue, and he's not totally insane. **

**Okay, I'll see you next chapter. Stay beautiful. **


	9. Children and Bad 70s Music

It was raining. It was like one of those cheesy, romantic movies Karkat liked except that it was all too real for Gamzee's liking. He glanced over at Tavros, and the thought crossed his mind; wasn't his whole experience with this doofus one, giant, romantic movie? He smirked.

"Tav, how you holdin' up over there?" Gamzee asked, his elbow leaning on the side of the closed window. When there was no response, he turned sideways in his chair and analyzed the lump under the covers. "Tavros?"

He got up from his seat and walked over there, leaning over the bed to push the covers back and look at his shivering boyfriend. "You cold, motherfucker?" Gamzee asked. Still no response. "You took your medicine, right?" ... "Come on, Tav." ... "Tavros." Gamzee sighed and walked around the bed to the wall where the stereo was kept. He clicked a couple of buttons, left, right, back again, left, left, right. Then, he turned up the sound.

He heard a load groan and a muffled, "Turn that shit off." Bad 70s music always did the trick. And although Gamzee really liked this song, he turned it off. He sauntered across the room once again, only to slowly crawl into the bed and pull the covers over their heads. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's torso and pulled him close, hoping to warm him up a little.

"You woke me up just so you could... cuddle up to me?"

"Last time I didn't tell you, you screamed."

"That was when we weren't dating, and it was kind of creepy, to be honest."

"Last week, bro."

"Shut up."

Gamzee lightly laughed and gripped tighter, making Tavros's shivering cease finally. After a few moments, Gamzee spoke up again, "Seriously though, Tav. Did you take your medicine?"

"Yes, did you take yours?"

"Yeah." Gamzee nestled his head in closer so it was right next to Tavros's. "Motherfucker, you smell nice."

"I took a bath before you came over."

"Damn, how early did you get up?"

It was rhetorical, but Tavros answered anyway, "Too early."

"Aw shucks, just for me?"

"I was getting pretty stinky."

"Yeah, you smelled like pig farts for real."

"How do you know what pig farts smell like?"

They both laughed until Tavros started having a coughing fit. "Oh fuck, Tavros. I'm sorry," Gamzee said, putting his hand on his shoulder, a look of concern crossing his face that Tavros couldn't see.

"I-It's fine... It's fine," Tavros said, catching his breath. He started to shiver lightly again, even though Gamzee knew he was warm by now.

"Tavros.. I-"

"Gamzee, we're not having this talk again. What's going to happen is going to happen. I'm done talking about it, honestly, and I'm, uh, sorry if I hurt your feelings by saying so."

"I need to know what to do. I'm lost, Tav."

"We've talked about this a lot, I think. It's sorta actually depressing, and we were just talking about pig farts earlier and laughing. Why can't our conversations be like that all the time again? Now it's just sad..."

"I know, Tavros. I'm just so confused, brother."

"Yeah, I know... Sorry." Gamzee kissed his forehead, making him smile.

After a minute or two, Gamzee changed the subject, "You ever thought about kids, Tav?"

"Kids? Where'd that come from?"

"I don't know. I was just thinking how miraculous it'd be to have a lil' fucker of my own, you know?"

"Oh. Well, where'd you get it? I mean, they don't really give them away like puppies. Heh."

"Yeah, I know. Maybe I'd go adopt or some shit."

"No offense, Gamzee, but I don't think they'd let you within 10 foot of a child there."

"Aw. Now why would you say that?"

"Well, I just don't think a stoner with face-paint, no job, a single-roomed apartment, and a paraplegic, ill boyfriend really screams 'good parent material.'"

"Well, fuck. I guess you're right. But a motherfucker can dream, can't he?"

"Yeah, I guess that'd be alright... I think... it'd be pretty cool to have a kid," Tavros smiled gently, "He'd be really cute and nice and really popular in school with good grades, and I think he would like sports, but he wouldn't do drugs because he knew his father, Tavros, would yell at him and be, uh, really mean."

"He'd learn how to cook from you, and he'd be just like you except for the fact that he would have good taste in music like his old man." Tavros laughed, muttering, "Yeah, right."

"What would we name him?"

"I dunno."

"Uhh... Hm.. I don't know either, it seems."

"Whatever, man. We'll think about it."

"Yeah."

They both smiled at each other like losers, like it really mattered what the name was of an imaginary child. And then they talked about it for a little while longer, laughed a little bit, kissed more than a little bit, and then Tavros accidentally fell asleep, talking for so long wearing him out. Gamzee was surprised he lasted that long, his sickness limiting their chats and time together more and more each day. And Gamzee knew Tavros didn't like to talk about what would happen when his sickness took away all of their time, but Gamzee always thought it was better to ask questions now while Tavros was still there rather than ask questions later when he couldn't get answers, beating himself up over the little things and forever wondering.

* * *

**uh revi ews would be nice... because i have no idea what im doing.. owo**


	10. Photos and Costumes

"Shiiiiit, Tav. 'Beats so ill, they stayin' home from school with a thermometer in their ass," Gamzee laughed, his butt firmly planted on top of Tavros's desk.  
"And even though that was pretty inappropriate, I agree," he gave a big smile, his slightly chubby cheeks making his eyes squint ever so slightly and his almost perfect- in Gamzee's eyes- teeth showing.  
Gamzee jumped off of the desk, his floppy, torn-to-pieces tennis shoes hitting the floor with a little thump. "I'm fuckin' cold as tits, man," he walked over to the modest closet and pulled it open, "You wouldn't happen to own a jacket an old stoner like myself could borrow, would you?"  
"Just one, but I don't think that you-"  
"Found it."  
Gamzee reached out on the top shelf to pull on a black jacket he saw. His face made that, "Got you." look once he finally tugged it free, but it shifted to surprise when he looked back up to see an old, brown shoe box tumble and hit the floor, spilling its contents.  
"Oh, fuck. Sorry. Sorry. Fuck," he dropped to the floor, putting things back in the box hurriedly, "If I hadn't shoved in my nosy honker this wouldn't have happened."  
"No, no, it's fine. Really. I would just-"  
"Woah..." Gamzee paused, his hand on an old photograph. He held it up real close to his face to inspect it. Sometimes Tavros thought he really needed glasses, and he told him that too. Of course, Gamzee would never listen, being as stubborn as he was, always shrugging off the important stuff.  
Gamzee held out the photo for Tavros to see, asking in a sort of excited and fascinated whisper, "Is this your mom?"  
"Yeah..."  
Gamzee pulled the photo back to face him and examined it some more. She was pretty, dark-skinned, curvy lady with her smile extending from ear to ear, dimples like craters in moon and sporting a simple white dress, her brown hair that went just beyond her shoulder in curls. Her eyes were brown like Tavros's, but they had more lashes. Gamzee could tell by looking at her that she was probably a spectacular mother; no one with a smile like hers could ever be cruel towards a child.  
"She's really pretty, Tav."  
"Yeah."  
There a pause as Gamzee kept staring. He almost spaced out, but then he remembered he was doing something. He put the photo back in the box and looked up, "Do you, uh, mind if I...?"  
"No, I guess you can... look through them... There's really nothing exciti-"  
"Who's this guy?" Gamzee held up another photo, this one containing a big man with a suit who looked like he had knocked a couple of heads before.  
"Step-dad."  
"Oh," Gamzee looked over it some more, "Was he nice?"  
"Never really saw him that much..."  
"If anyone understands that feel, it's me, man. My dad's got a rep for being shitty."  
They stopped talking about it after that. They moved on to chat about other pictures. There was one of a new house; at one point Tavros had a gerbil; at another point he had a couple of fish and a cat and a hamster and a bird and... well, the list went on. The guy loved animals like he loved flying. But once he became ill, he had to sell or give away all of his pets; he ended up only selling the bird to a little girl who had lived a couple of blocks down from him. He had to give away the rest; the most heart-wrenching good-bye, he said, was giving away his turtle, Mr. Buttercake. "Mom picked out the name," was all he said about it.  
There were some photos of some costumes from Halloween, three if you want to be exact. One was of him on hay ride dressed as a cowboy, which he said was pretty fun at the time, but now that he's older he realizes how much of waste of money the ride really was. One was when he was just a baby, and his mother dressed him as a cow, despite his protests and screams. The other was him dressed as Pupa Pan; he was young but not as young as you would want him to be. Later, Gamzee found the same outfit crammed under all of the pictures in the box. He pulled it out and winked, his only comment being, "Kinky, Tav."  
Tavros snatched it away quickly and put it behind him, "Shut the fuck up."  
After a couple of more stories that aren't really worth mentioning, Gamzee decided it was probably best to put the box up. He saw that it was making Tavros a little uncomfortable, talking about his past and all. He didn't blame him; if he didn't want to get his conversation on, Gamzee didn't want to either.  
After he finally got the box up on the shelf, he grabbed the jacket from the ground and put it on, completely forgetting about being chilly. He looked down at it, just now actually looking at it.  
"Woah, this is like one of those motherfucking fancy high school football jackets. Did you used to play?"  
"Well, like when I was 10. My step-dad would never let it go though, and he told everyone it was my dream to become a professional football player. I didn't even like football that much. When I got sick, the high school team gave me that jacket and started calling me 'part of the team' even though I don't really think they knew my name before."  
"Man, I hate people like that," Gamzee commented as he sauntered over, bending down to land a kiss to Tavros's cheek, "I think I'm gonna slide out of here. You need anything next visit?"  
"Can I have another milkshake?"  
"Vanilla?"  
"Yeah."  
"Okay, you got it. See you." As he was about to close the door on his way out, he called over his shoulder, "Hope you don't mind me wearin' this for a while." Before he could get a reply, he shut the door and was on his way to the stairs.

**This was short... :/ It looked bigger on Word. Sorry for not updating, and sorry for my first update in forever being as small as a microshrimp put in the dryer for too long. I'm on summer break now though, so there will be more updates. (I'll probably finish it actually. *cough*) **


	11. Damn Fingers

**I really really don't like this fanfiction anymore. The mischaracterization was the worst thing to ever happen ever, but I think it got a little bit better as the story went on. I mean, the thing about Tavros is that he is a big douche but he's also a real sweetheart; it's not one or the other. He's a complex character who is a douchebag and a sweetie at the same time, and I wish I realized that sooner. SIGHS. **

**Anyway, here you go. uwu**

* * *

It was all so sudden. He didn't expect to feel this way. It was such a foreign emotion, something he couldn't describe in words. He had prepped for this ever since that first day, but nothing could have ever prepared him for this.

He wasn't sad. He wasn't upset. He didn't really feel anything but anger, which was more than surprising. He expected to be crying and on his knees and breaking down in front of all of his friends, but he didn't. He sat in the corner and watched with a hateful stare as family members cried over his corpse like they motherfucking knew him like Gamzee did. It was nothing short of repulsive.

"Gamzee? Are you okay? Well, I mean 'okay' in the sense that you're not going to beat the shit out of someone here," Karkat asked.

"Huh?"

"Your lips are pulled back in such a fucking snarl I'd think you were a fucking dog if I didn't know better, and your eyes are burning with the heat of a million suns, so I just assumed you were about to fucking punch someone. Let's not make a scene at your boyfriend's funeral, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Shit. I didn't mean to be insensitive. I know you're going through a lot now, and it's probably not going to mean much, but I'm really sorry about Tavros. You know you're always welcome back in my apartment, and I'm always gonna be here for you, man," a light red blush was spread across his cheeks now, such kind words foreign to him.

"Yeah."

"Stop just saying 'Yeah.'. You're really making me fucking nervous here, Gamzee. Like god damn. I really don't want to repeat the incident where you almost murdered Equius. If you're feeling really bad, we can go. We don't have to be here if you don't want to."

"Sorry."

Karkat sighed and looked at Gamzee sympathetically. He gave up and walked over to join Terezi, who was eating the fancy snacks someone from Tavros's family paid for.

"I'm getting really worried about him. I mean his-"

Gamzee tuned out of that conversation and started listening to a plump, Hispanic woman in a black dress that stuck to her skin and squashed her in all the wrong places who was talking to a tall man in black suit with his hair all fancied up. He was probably her son.

"I honestly didn't know Tavros was gay. And for such an attractive man, you'd think he'd be able to," she whispered the last part, but Gamzee heard it, "_do better._" She looked over at Gamzee quickly, who was leaning against a wall with a messy purple tie and a faded black tux. Gamzee sharply turned his head to her and looked her in the eyes with the gaze that could kill a man. She jumped and looked away nervously, acting like she didn't say anything and was now talking about the weather.

_He was starting to __get real motherfuckin' angry with these motherfuckers._ He was starting to think he should take up Karkat's offer about ditching this joint when some guy in a real fancy suit and expensive rings started making his way toward him.

"Can I up and help you?" Gamzee spat, taking in the whole 'I'm a fucking rich douche who never bothered to help his sick relative even though I'm loaded' look.

"Yeah. I just wanted to say how very sorry I am about Tavros. I know he was very close to you," the man said, taking Gamzee's hand in his own and smiling out of pity.

Gamzee yanked his hand away. "Why are you apologizin'? You the one who motherfuckin' killed him?"

"No, of course not. I just wanted to give my sympathies," he said simply, shrugging off Gamzee's rudeness as just grief.

"You just wanted to give your _sympathies_? Well, maybe you wouldn't have to feel all motherfuckin' sympathetic if you actually helped out a motherfucker wi**T****H ALL THAT MONEY I KNOW YOU BE HAVIN', WHAT WITH THOSE SHINY RINGS I SEE ON YOUR DAMN FINGERS.**"

At this point Karkat was running towards him, pushing passed Terezi.

"**YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SHOW UP AT MY BOYFRIEND'S **_**FUNERAL**_**, ACTIN' LIKE YOU OWN THE DAMN PLACE WITH YOUR FANCY CAR AND WHATNOT, KNOWING... MOTHERFUCKING **_**KNOWING**_** THAT THIS MAN DIED BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE THE GOD DAMN FUNDING TO KEEP HIM ALIVE. YOU MIGHT AS WELL AS KILLED HIM.**"

Gamzee was screaming in the man's face now, pointing his finger at his face as Karkat tugged on his arm, screaming.

"**IF YOU WOULD'A SHOWED UP EARLIER WHEN IT **_**FIRST STARTED**_**, HE COULD'VE BEEN BETTER. HE COULD HAVE BEEN ALL BETTER, AND HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO UP AND **_**MEET ME**_**, WOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WTH THE **_**BURDEN**_** OF ME MAKING THOSE ADVANCES ON HIM LIKE SOME KIND OF JACKASS WHO CAN'T CONTROL HIS BODY. HE COULD'VE BEEN HAPPY AND ALIVE, AND I COULD'VE MOVED ON TO PICKIN' UP CANS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND GOIN' BACK TO SMOKING WEED.**"

Karkat was pushing him back, and Equius, who only attended because Nepeta wanted him to go with her, was dragging him through the door.

The last thing he managed to get out before the door slammed shut was,

"**EVERYTHING WAS ALMOST FUCKING NORMAL, BUT IT'S NOT, AND HE'S ****DEAD****, AND IT'S ALL YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' FAULTS, ****ALL OF YOU****.**"

_Slam._

* * *

_His mind started drifting off to that day, replaying it all again and again. What could have been done? _

It was a normal afternoon. It was already 3:30, but he woke up an hour ago. He was ordering milkshakes off of the Dollar Menu and smiling at the nice cashier, just like every other day. When he got to Jackson's, his milkshake was already almost gone, just like every other time. But when he went up the sidewalk, the little girls who usually played games there just stopped and looked at him with sympathy, something he was gettin' real sick of real fast. He walked into the building and opened his mouth to talk to Aradia, only to find her away from the desk. He shrugged and started walking up the stairs, putting his straw in his mouth and drinking.

He turned the door to Tavros's room. It didn't open. His eyebrows came down, and his eyes widened slightly, confused. He did a jog-like thing down the stairs and rang the little bell at Aradia's desk. No one came, but Gamzee could have sworn he saw the top of Aradia's head appear over the little window in the back room. He was starting to get really worried. He took the key from the desk and ran up the steps, unlocking the door as fast as he could. He busted into the room, only to find that Tavros wasn't in there.

He pulled back the covers and looked under the bed like he was hiding or some shit, but of course he wasn't. So Gamzee just sat down on the bed and stared at the closet. And then he laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. And then it was night, and he had to go home. And so he did.

It was all so quick. It happened to fast. Gamzee blinked, and then Tavros was gone, like a magic trick. Gamzee wished Karkat could ruin this magic act for him, tell him that Tavros was just backstage and was perfectly fine. But unfortunately, this was no carnival.

Days later, Gamzee came back to Jackson's, back to the empty room where he collected all of Tavros's stuff: his Peter Pan hat and costume, his DVDs, his music, his phone that had scratches on from when he always dropped it, his box of memories, his plush lance, his cards, and most importantly his drawings. He hauled all of this stuff off in boxes with the assistance of Karkat and his car.

It was tough. He cried. Karkat soothed. It was the worst week of Gamzee's entire existence.

* * *

Back at Gamzee's apartment, Karkat was making him shitty food while he changed into pajama pants and a wore one of Tavros's old t-shirts. After he was done, he sat down in front of the small coffee table. He looked up at Karkat as he set the food down in front of him.

"Gamzee... I-"

"Karkat, my brother... You can save your motherfucking apologizes and whatever the fuck you're about to say." Karkat didn't reply. He just sat down next to him and laid his head down on his best friend's shoulder.

"I'm gonna do something really stupid," Gamzee said after what felt like 30 minutes of silence.

"Yeah... Yeah, I know."

* * *

**One more chapter after this. Get ready. **


End file.
